WHEN STRENGTH BECOMES A TRAP

Jul 25

4 min read

Updated: Aug 1

Before you get into this post, I have a question for you. Reflect on it and answer honestly.

If you are a man, what changes have you made of your habit and lifestyle as a result of the awareness and concerns raised during men's mental health month? If you are not a man, what changes have you made to the way you treat/relate with men as a result of men's mental health month?.

It's no news that suicide rates have been rising since 2000. Africa still bears the highest burden of suicides.

Almost 70% of people who commit suicide are men.

The largest age group affected are young people aged 15–29 (with adolescents 15–19 especially at risk).

These are the group of people that might be termed our strongest. These numbers are saying a lot to us. That strength doesn’t make us superhuman. There is a version of strength that builds a person up, and a version that quietly hollows them out. The second kind wears the same face as the first. It looks like composure, capability, and reliability. It is often praised, rewarded, and expected. And in at least three groups of people, it has become one of the most dangerous ideas in modern life.

Men’s silence : stoicism as strength

Globally, men die by suicide at roughly twice the rate of women, a gap that widens even further in some regions. A large share of that burden is carried by men who were never given permission to name what they were feeling until it was already a crisis.

What makes this pattern especially difficult to address is that it is not simply a story of men refusing to seek help. Data from crisis services shows that many men who die by suicide had actually been in contact with a health service in the year before their death, yet the distress underneath was never fully surfaced or treated. A recent analysis of over a million crisis text conversations found that fewer than one in five texters identified as male, even though boys and men were more likely to raise suicide directly when they did reach out. The strength men are taught, self reliance, stoicism, never asking twice, does not prevent distress. It only delays anyone else finding out about it.

Health worker’s devotion: the expectation of endless capacity

Medicine trains its people to function under pressure. That capacity is genuinely valuable in an emergency. The trap is that the same culture that produces excellent clinical judgment under pressure also produces silence about personal limits. A doctor who admits exhaustion risks being seen as less capable. A nurse who asks for a lighter rotation risks being seen as not committed enough. The result, as the burnout data shows again and again, is a workforce that keeps performing competence long after the internal reserves are gone. Health workers are, by training and temperament, some of the least likely people to seek care for themselves, even though they are surrounded by care all day.

Mother’s love and attention : strength as expectation

Postpartum depression affects an estimated 10 to 15 percent of mothers worldwide, but that global figure hides significant regional variation. Studies across Nigeria have found rates ranging from roughly 11 percent to over 40 percent depending on the region and the population studied, with a Lagos based study recording a prevalence of 35.6 percent among postnatal women. Lack of help with newborn care and an unsupportive partner were both strongly linked to higher risk.

Motherhood carries its own version of the strength trap. A new mother is expected to recover from childbirth, produce milk, manage a household, and appear grateful and glowing, often within days of one of the most physically and emotionally demanding experiences a body can go through. Sadness, resentment, or overwhelm are treated as ingratitude rather than as a recognizable, treatable condition. Many mothers carry postpartum depression in silence because naming it feels like failing at the one role they were told mattered most.

In all three groups, showing struggle is treated as a failure of character rather than a normal human response to an abnormal load. Each roles is defined partly by endurance, and each pays for that endurance in the same currency: delayed help, hidden suffering, and outcomes that were often preventable.

Even outside these categories, many people are under intense constant pressure. As an individual, when your body is speaking listen to it. Real strength is knowing your limits and not going past the breaking point.

Rest is not weakness. The first step to taking care of your mental health is taking care of your physical body. Rest when you are tired and rest routinely. Feed the body so it's strong. Exercise the body so it's resilient and seek help when needed. You can't change what you do not identify. Keep track of your numbers; your weight, sleep time, exercise time, pulse, blood pressure. Luckily you do not have to do this manually. Technology can help. So that when things are going downhill it would be easy to spot and stop.